♥ Loss of a loved one, 07.Aug.08

Wow. I never really thought about what would happen. Everything was just going normally. I was messing around online yesterday, watching TV to keep me company, and drawing...then mom came home from work, we ate dinner and went to play tennis. As usual, I sucked. Nothing was out of place, until we went home. I turned on the TV and my computer, and my mom got a call from one of my uncles and my whole world was turned upside down. For the next few hours I heard devastated wailing. Finally, mom called me over because my dad called and wanted to talk to me. I asked her what was wrong, she looked like she was in horrible condition. Choking back tears, she told me my grandpa (her dad) had died and finally let out the tears. Now I don't know what to feel. I don't know, it's like a dream, a nightmare. And when I wake up, nothing will have changed. Neither grandpa nor grandma would be sick, everyone's healthy and alive. We'd go back to China to visit and everyone'd be so happy to see each other. It feels like that. It feels like a movie. That this isn't true, none of it's true. I can only hope that this isn't true. It doesn't feel true. I don't know what to do, what to feel. My rising sign is Cancer, and it makes me a listener, who comforts people when they're down. But right now I'M the one who needs someone to comfort ME. What should I do?